We are now mid-January and you may have noticed something familiar beginning to happen.
The gyms are a little quieter. The alcohol-free drinks feel less exciting. The business idea notebook hasn’t been opened in a few days. And a quiet, uncomfortable thought creeps in:
“I’ve already messed this up.”
Every January, many of us make resolutions with the best of intentions, perhaps to drink less (or stop altogether), to get fitter, lose weight, change careers, or finally start that business we’ve been dreaming about. And yet, just a few weeks in, a lapse happens. A missed workout. A few drinks. A day (or week) of procrastination.
For many people, that lapse is interpreted as failure. And that interpretation is what causes some people to abandon their goals entirely and slip straight back into old habits.
The problem isn't the lapse, it's how we think about it.
When we decide to change any behaviour, we often imagine the journey as neat and linear: motivation at the start, steady progress, and eventual success. But of course human change simply doesn’t work like that!
Change is messy. Motivation fluctuates. Life intervenes. Old habits, especially ones that once served us, don’t disappear quietly.
A lapse is not a sign that you lack willpower or commitment. It’s a sign that you’re human.
The real problem arises when a lapse turns into a story and you find yourself saying "I always do this" or "There's no point now". Once that story takes hold, people often give up altogether, not because they CAN'T change, but because they believe they already blew their chance.
One of the most powerful mindset shifts you can make is this:
Don’t plan for perfection. Plan for lapses.
If you expect yourself to never wobble, you’re setting a standard that no one consistently meets. Instead, assume that at some point you will slip and decide in advance how you’ll respond when that happens.
This changes everything!
Try asking yourself:
When I lapse, how do I want to talk to myself?
What’s the smallest action that will help me re‑engage?
What usually helps me regain momentum?
When you’ve answered those questions, a lapse will no longer knock you off course.
Think re‑engagement
The language you use really matters. When people think in terms of “relapse,” it can feel dramatic and final as if you’ve fallen all the way back to the beginning. In reality, most lapses are temporary pauses, not total reversals.
So a more helpful question than “Why did I fail?” could be “What will help me get back into action?”
For some people, it’s structure. For others, it’s support. Sometimes it’s reconnecting with the reason they wanted change in the first place.
Remember even a small step can restart the cycle.
Building kindness into your plan
Many people believe they need to be hard on themselves to succeed and that if they let themselves off the hook, they’ll never change.
But self‑criticism rarely produces lasting behaviour change. More often, it leads to shame and shame tends to drive the very habits people are trying to escape!
Kindness to yourself doesn’t mean lowering standards or giving up. It means recognising that change is challenging and treating yourself with the same understanding you’d offer someone else.
Try replacing your language such as “I’m useless, I’ve ruined it” with "This is hard, and I’m learning”.
That shift alone can be the difference between stopping altogether and continuing imperfectly.
Progress is made by returning, not by never slipping
People who successfully change long‑term habits are NOT the ones who never lapse. They’re the ones who return again and again without making the lapse mean something awful about themselves.
So if it’s mid‑January and your resolution already feels shaky, this is not the end of the road. It’s a normal moment in the process.
Pause. Reset. Be kind to yourself.
Then take the next small step forward.
Because lasting change isn’t built on perfection. It’s built on persistence, self‑compassion, and the willingness to begin again.
